SEOUL, South Korea (AP) North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has been living at an east coast villa since mid-May and is likely convalescing after reportedly suffering a stroke last year, a newspaper said citing US and South Korean intelligence.

Special Introductory Offer to Phuket for July 4 Holiday

Supreme Guider of Destiny and Missiles,
Democratic People's Republic of North Korea.

Beloved Leader, Dearest Kim Jong-Il,

WE WOULD like to take this opportunity to invite you to take part in one of our special package tours for the Summer season on Phuket.

This includes accommodation (10 nights for the price of five, a special offer, not a discount) all meals (at 80 percent off normal prices) and especially for you, a completely complimentary wellness package.

Is stress part of your daily life? Are you aggressive and belligerent with neighbors? Has your work lost its meaning?

Come to Phuket and begin your new life, with yoga and meditation daily at dawn, by the crystal-clear waters of the Andaman Sea.

Mr Kim Jong-il, we believe that we can make you Kim Jong-wel again.

We understand that you love trains and old Hollywood movies: close your eyes as the sun's rays seep across the sea, and your favorite images will come rushing towards you (the movies, not the trains.)

We understand, and we care about the complete, holistic you.

Our Indian Ayuraveda massage specialist, employing all 400 years of experience, believes there has to be some subtle, deep message that you are trying to convey by firing all those rockets.

Let us recommend our all-body and mind complete massage and spa. Our therapists will know just what you need.

Choose your own fragrance from our wide selection (for you we recommend Fear or Loathing.)

Begin by sitting on the sand in the lotus position, close you eyes, breathe deeply, and surrender all your earthly powers to others.

By the time our therapists have wrapped you in our special arms-no-longer-free sarong, covered your head in a sacred hood and carried you to the secret lagoon, we can begin a new, enchanted process.

We call it Water Boarding, or WB for short.

All of your worries and cares about the world will quickly be shrugged off and forgotten. You will concentrate as never before as you struggle to rise through the Nine Layers of Bliss.

We know you frequently dream about 100,000 soldiers marching in perfect sync down the streets of Pyongyang. By the time our therapists are through, it will feel as though millions of feet are quick-stepping all over your body.

It may take several days and repeated treatments before you reach the magical milestone, the Ninth Level of Bliss, but rest assured: our therapists will make sure you get to enjoy the entire FREE program.

The tapes we play each night for you special entertainment, as you lie restrained in complete darkness, include our favorite television jingles from advertisements for beer, fast food, viagra, Microsoft equipment and General Motors cars.

We feel that at the end of our 10 day treatment, you will return home to North Korea several kilos lighter with a sense of purification, a desire for commerce, and perhaps even a longing for the new U: unification.

Believe us when we tell you: the world will be a better place once Kim Jong-il is wel again. See you on Phuket soon.

Yours sincerely,
Phuket Marketing (Water) Board


N Korea Fires July 4 Missiles: Phuket Talks Follow
Update With regional security talks on Phuket looming, North Korea defies UN sanctions and fires more missiles, coinciding with the July 4 US holiday.
N Korea Fires July 4 Missiles: Phuket Talks Follow

Phuket Set for Secure Summit, says Defence Chief
Latest Tourism not terrorism is Phuket's stock in trade. Thailand's Defence Minister pays a visit and says that everything appears to be going fine for the big July summit.
Phuket Set for Secure Summit, says Defence Chief

Phuket Asean Clamp Unnecessary: Red Shirt
Latest Phuket's red shirt leader wonders whether a tight military hold on the island is really necessary for the important series of Asean meetings this month.
Phuket Asean Clamp Unnecessary: Red Shirt


Phuket Joins the US Navy: Take Our Photo Tour
Photo Album There did not seem to be a lot of singing when we joined the US Navy for a tour of the USS New Orleans. But the sailors did seem a peaceful bunch, ideal for Phuket.
Phuket Joins the US Navy: Take Our Photo Tour

US Warships Give Peace a Chance in Patong
Patong Stroll Photo Album The US Navy has begun a subtle invasion of Phuket with broad smiles and cheerful attitudes as their weapons in warding off Patong's touts and tarts.
US Warships Give Peace a Chance in Patong


Phuket Drowning Toll Rises to 'At Least 30' in 2009
Latest Holidaymakers, residents and fishermen are among those who have drowned so far in 2009 in Phuket waters. The toll, including a dive boat tragedy, is well above recent years.
Phuket Drowning Toll Rises to 'At Least 30' in 2009

Phuket Opens China Door with 104 New Flights
Tourism Boost Twice weekly charter flights from China are set to begin in late July with regular flights to follow if all goes well. The TAT is keen to recover lost ground in world's biggest market.
Phuket Opens China Door with 104 New Flights

Thais Working Illegally Sent Back by Malaysia
Latest Concerns are held that 10 Thais who were caught illegally in Malaysia on an island that rivals Phuket may be whipped with a cane as part of their punishment.
Thais Working Illegally Sent Back by Malaysia

MediaWATCH: Fall in Tourism Grows Worse
News Digest: Tourism decline steeper; What Saddam told FBI; North Korea nuke nerves grow; Inhumane Malaysia canes immigrants; Jackson children in limbo; Burma on the boil; flying Africa style.
MediaWATCH: Fall in Tourism Grows Worse

Phuket Elite Reject 'Special Economic Zone' Option
Latest Economic independence has been rejected by Phuket business and community elite, although they did say the island needs a fairer return of the revenue it generates.
Phuket Elite Reject 'Special Economic Zone' Option

Phuket Tuk-Tuk Boss: Aren't You Afraid of Me?
Photo Album One Phuket tuk tuk chief has his heart set on speedy forward movement, at the right price. Changes have been introduced in Karon to make the tuk tuk more user friendly.
Phuket Tuk-Tuk Boss: Aren't You Afraid of Me?