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Steve and James with children  Aleisha, two, and Rhyley, three weeks

Baby Love: Same Sex Parents Steve and James Run Surrogacy Gamut in Thailand

Tuesday, August 19, 2014
BANGKOK: An Australian same-sex couple caught up in a crackdown on surrogacy in the Thai capital have broken their silence, saying many Australian parents unable to bring their surrogate-born babies home are distraught and have run out of money.

Steve and James, the biological parents of a three-week-old boy they have called Rhyley, say 20 Australian couples they know who are holed up in Bangkok hotels are having issues with their babies because they are so distressed.

''This is very emotionally draining. We had a meeting and I told them not to be stressed, to enjoy the fact they have their babies,'' said Steve, 46, from Melbourne.

''But they are not enjoying their time with their babies . . . this should be a special time of bonding but it has been, I would not say destroyed, but tainted by the situation in Thailand,'' he says.

''When you are stressed your baby becomes stressed. The babies are getting upset, they are crying constantly . . . people are carrying on as if the sky has fallen in but they shouldn't as this is something that is out of their control.''

Like an estimated 200 other Australian couples, Steve and James, 47, face an agonising wait to find out whether they will be able to take their babies home, after Thai authorities cracked down on surrogacy following the baby Gammy scandal.

They say they are remaining positive despite ''confusion and frustration'' and plan to attempt to leave Thailand in early September as they had originally planned.

''What have we got to lose if we try and are turned back?'' Steve says.

At least three Australian couples and their babies have been turned back from the airport in recent days, but one same-sex couple was allowed to fly out with their baby to Singapore.

Thai authorities have declared that foreign biological parents must obtain a court order before being able to depart through immigration channels, a process fraught with difficulty that is expected to take months.

The number of babies with Australian biological parents who are caught up in the drama in Bangkok could be as high as 300 because many of the couples have entered into arrangements to have twins.

In a Facebook message Steve and James, who do not want their surnames published, said ''even though this situation is beyond our control and despite rumors of being arrested for human trafficking, having our baby returned to his birth mother or being placed in a Thai orphanage, we remain positive and hope to be home soon''.

James says many Australians who have pregnancies under way have not been able to contact their surrogates because of raids on clinics, including All IVF, the most popular clinic for Australians, which has been forced to close.

''It's easy for us to say because our boy has been born but these parents should take a deep breath, relax - the pregnancies will progress and once everything is done, dusted and settled they will be able to renew their contact,'' he says.

Holding Aleisha, the couple's two-year-old daughter who was born to a surrogate mother in India, James says he and Steve are proud parents a second time.

''Who do you love?'' he asks Aleisha.

''Daddy and daddy,'' she says.

Rhyley was born to a 30-year-old surrogate mother of two other children on July 31 at Bangkok Nursing Hospital, the day after Thai authorities decided to crackdown on the country's booming surrogacy industry.

Steve says the surrogate asked to see the baby after the birth.

''She cried and touched my heart. It was raw emotion. She said 'I am happy if you are happy,''' he says.

''That was when we knew it was a business arrangement for her. She was happy to do it for us and had no intention of taking the baby from us . . . so from that moment we wanted her to see the baby, to feed the baby and hold the baby.''

Rhyley and Aleisha were born from the same egg donor, a 30-year-old Australian who flew to Bangkok after the birth to see the baby.

Steve and James each fathered one of the children.

James says if they cannot take Rhyley home for months Steve will stay in Bangkok and find a cheap hotel while he returns to work in Melbourne.

The couple have already taken out additional loans to pay the tens of thousands of dollars for the surrogacy but say many of the other Australian couples are in dire financial strife. Some of them face losing their jobs unless they return to work soon.

''They are sacrificing everything for children they cannot have in Australia,'' James says. ''They thought they were going to be here five or six weeks now there are rumors they will have to stay three months or six months, or who knows how long,'' he says.

Steve adds: ''Their credit cards are maxed out. They have refinanced their homes. They have taken out personal loans.''

James says couples are being told different things and they do not know who to believe but are hoping Thailand's military rulers will allow a moratorium for those with existing surrogacy agreements before laws are passed that will effectively ban commercial surrogacy in Thailand, except involving relatives.

''That would be a very compassionate thing for the Thai government to do and would be a real show of faith that surrogacy has a place in the world,'' he says.

VIDEO Couple Tell of Struggle as Fathers
After a tumultuous few weeks following the story of baby Gammy, hear from a same sex couple in Bangkok who are trying to get their newborn surrogate baby back to Melbourne.
http://media.theage.com.au/news/national-news/samesex-couples-thai-surrogacy-battle-5688766.html

Fairfax Media

Comments

Comments have been disabled for this article.

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All the best boys, hope it all works out, best wishes for the future.....

Posted by Robert on August 19, 2014 17:14

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'That would be a very compassionate thing for the Thai government to do and would be a real show of faith that surrogacy has a place in the world,'' he says.

Designer babies made to order has no place at all in this world!! Millions of orphans all over the world that really need good parents to take care of them.

Posted by DwayneD on August 19, 2014 18:57

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The fellow on the left looks more effeminate than the one on the right..As the little girl ponders her two Daddies with big matching faux gold necklaces, Just sayin'..
Signed, left, right, left, right..

Posted by farang888 on August 19, 2014 21:21

Editor Comment:

Your tendency to judge people by the way they look is a character flaw you really should try to overcome, farang888. This is the 21st century. As long as Steve and James are good parents and good people, who cares? Opinions like yours are, fortunately, being consigned to the dustbin of history.

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I don't understand the picture.

Posted by shorsh on August 19, 2014 22:10

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While studying for an advanced degree many years ago, I was allowed the privilege of reading quite a bit of Aldous Huxley's personal notes and correspondence. I was reminded of him while reading the interviewed's comments in this article and the linked one.

Specifically Huxley often discussed and theorized that "Brave New World" was not that far off because people would not only move toward a dystopian society they would clamor for it in the interest of obtaining their own "freedoms".

"As the people of a society's basic needs get met they become more self-centered and less focused on the needs of the larger community, they become unaware of the cost as a group and their desire to fulfill their own needs (sic "wants") ..." essentially cause them to make a bad bargain. I am not condemning, just for what it is worth pointing out that there is more to this than just some Draconian crackdown on an illegal industry. BTW it is an illegal business, these people are not breeding puppies, actually puppy mills are better regulated than this apparently was. There are reasons it is and has long been illegal in most countries. While I have some sympathy for the "parents" the morality of surrogacy and the ethics of their choices deserve to be at least questioned.

At the time I thought Huxley was of base by quite a bit, as I get older I realize how brilliant and unappreciated he was.

Posted by Martin on August 20, 2014 06:33

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Yes, I agree Editor, it's something I will continue to work on, as I am surely more imperfect then they. Live and let live, now it's a matter of walking the talk.

Posted by farang888 on August 20, 2014 07:21

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The article is one-sided. It does not touch on situations that led to the crackdown in the first place. For example, in one case, an Australian gets a twin from the surrogate. However, one was normal and one had Down Syndrome. The Australian departed the country with the normal baby and left the Down Syndrome baby with the Thai "traditional surrogate" mom to care for and completely dumping all responsibilities (financial, etc.) on her. I feel for all the "good" parents trapped in this mess, but there were some "rotten apples" that spoiled it for the rest and it isn't all the Thai government's doing that led up to this situation.

Posted by Blue Ring on August 20, 2014 14:29

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"Steve and James, the biological parents of a three-week-old boy they have called Rhyley" - type I think as two men cannot be biological parents it does explain later about an egg donor. Call me old fashioned I am a not anti-gay but how can a child grow up normally having two male parents when nearly every other child will have a male and female parent. This would almost certainly lead to children verbally bullying them and the children getting inferiority complexes. I think gay rights have gone too far in this respect. Ed don't bash me too hard but children have no say about same sex parents.

Posted by Fiesty Farang on August 20, 2014 17:59

Editor Comment:

Children have no choice about their parents, full stop.

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Just when I thought I was well-adjusted and no longer racist or homophobic in the slightest, I find I still have troglodyte tendencies. Disappointing, but having it pointed out is good in terms of self-awareness, and gives hope one can crawl out from the mire. The un-examined life is not worth living, and we must peel off all the fetid garbage that has accrued on our lame carcasses,our negative bias etc., and not just me probably, but it's a good place to start, for charity starts at home, in the hearts and minds of losers like me. Luckily, some of us can change for the better just like LOS is trying to do, with the help of the coup leaders, or the Ed.

Posted by farang888 on August 20, 2014 21:20

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Ed wrote: Children have no choice about their parents, full stop.

Sure they have, before they incarnate everything is set-up for their particular "bag of karma" in this life - therefore as souls they are very well aware. Maybe you should learn a bit more about the religion in the country you advocate yourself as an expert in?

Posted by Wilai on August 20, 2014 23:10

Editor Comment:

There have been quite a few attempts over the years to provoke arguments with the editor on all kinds of topics. In winning the star prize, Wilai, you've proved you have a great future as an annoying bug.

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Wilai wouldn't be the first "preying mantis", "mosquito" or "stink bug" on this site. I know, because it takes one to know one, as we so wisely learned at about age 6. Some of us devolve, and have to re-learn again.

Signed,
Guilty as charged

Posted by farang888 on August 21, 2014 04:55

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at least I knew better than to have my own children and consequently spread the malaise of my dysfunctional OCD brain further..one good thing to leave behind, nothin'. The buck stops here. I get a feather.

signed, minidarwin

Posted by farang888 on August 21, 2014 05:15

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Fiesty Farang, numerous scientific studies have actually suggested otherwise.

Children of same-sex couples DO fare better when it comes to physical health and social well-being than children in the general population.

Posted by J on August 21, 2014 07:07


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